Look around at any magazine, movie, music video or social media site and there she is – The Sexy Girl. She’s tough, carefree, in control and most of all sexy, sexy, sexy. In our current society it is possible for any girl to transform her image into that of the Sexy Girl. From the simple techniques of a high held camera pointed at just the right angle combined with a slight duck face, to the more extreme measures of collagen lips, silicone in the breasts, cheeks and chin, constant calorie counting, liposuction, and hours at the gym. The Sexy Girl image is attainable and ready to present to the world. Sexy has become the norm. Teenage girls are presenting themselves as the Sexy Girl before they’ve even had sex.
Is the Sexy Girl image ruining real sex for woman? What happens when the Sexy Girl actually has sex? What happens when men buy into the image and take it for the real thing? Does she enjoy sex? Is she a voracious animal who can’t get enough? Does she come? Or like the image itself, is it all fake? Fake sexy. Fake control. Fake orgasms. Is she an equal participant or is the Sexy Girl just a sexual prop used for a man’s satisfaction?
In this day and age of easy internet access it is a safe assumption that most people, young and not-so-young, have seen porn. I imagine more often than not, porn is where we as a society are learning how to have sex. Sure, the high school health class can show us what goes where and how to make babies, but porn is the go to place to show us how to do it right or perhaps, completely wrong.
Porn for the most part is catered to men. They are the biggest consumer so they need to be the satisfied customer, and porn doesn’t fail. Sure the Sexy Girl is showcased, she’s the highlight, she’s the frosting, but men are the kings and the scene doesn’t end until the king has had his orgasm. But what is porn teaching us about the Sexy Girl? That she loves giving blow jobs? That the sheer pleasure of sucking on a penis can bring her to the brink of orgasm? That having her ass in the air and her head crammed into a couch cushion or her legs bent up over her shoulders like a pretzel is the quickest way to achieve orgasm? Maybe we are supposed to learn that all the Sexy Girl desires is for her vagina to be jack-hammered with the kind of finesse that is used to break up concrete.
Sure, watching porn can be fun as long as everyone realizes that it is entertainment and not real life. Just like an action hero in a movie is faking his stunts, so too is the porn star faking her orgasm. She is being paid to be the Sexy Girl and act like porn sex is real sex. Whether she is being pounded from behind, sucking on a penis or getting cum shot onto her face, her job is to act like this is the hottest, most erotic thing that has ever happened to her. She isn’t selling good sex, she’s selling a male fantasy of good sex.
Now the Sexy Girl image has trickled down from porn to mainstream media and right into our everyday lives. Sexy Girl is becoming the new image of what makes a real woman sexy. But long before Sexy Girl came along real women were considered sexy in a variety of ways. A cool look in her eye, the way she laughed, her quick wit and yes, the shape of her curves but more and more these things are being replaced by silicone, sky-high heels and g-strings.
Sexy has lost its mystery. The modern Sexy Girl isn’t sexy because she is clever or interesting, she is sexy because she wants sex, and her image lets you know that she is DTF. She lets you know this with selfies taken in the mirror showing pouty duck lips, revealing clothing, and suggestive poses. She is telling you by posting these images herself that she is in control of her body and her sexuality. She is empowered. But is she? Is the Sexy Girl really in the power position? Is she actually having satisfying sex? Or is she, like the porn star, faking it for the sake of keeping up with an image and pleasing men? When she’s dancing in a night club and bends over to touch her toes while a guy gyrates his penis against her ass, is it for her pleasure or for his? When she is being videotaped showing her breasts and making out with a friend is she being satisfied or is the satisfaction for the men gathered around watching the girl who has “gone wild”? When her boyfriend records their sex act only showing her face and not his then posts it on the internet is she really empowered? My guess is probably not.
Don’t get me wrong, I am all for women living their lives as they see fit. I believe women should have as much sex (good sex/real sex) as they want and never be shamed with words like slut and whore. I don’t believe revealing clothing is an invitation to rape. I believe women are amazing, scantily clad or covered from head to toe. But more than anything I believe with all my heart that all women, including the Sexy Girl, have more to offer the world than sex.
.When we look at an image of a man, regardless if he is in a suit and tie, or faded jeans and tee-shirt, whether he is rich or poor, white collar or blue collar, an artist or a man of science we automatically assume he enjoys having sex. He doesn’t need to announce this or post a duck faced selfie on Facebook to let the world know. We know. And because we know he enjoys sex, he is free to share other aspects of his personality without fear of his sexy self being forgotten or ignored.
Can we begin to assume the same for women? I believe the most empowering thing a woman can do to express her sexuality is to have good sex, equally satisfying, great sex. That means removing the illusions of sexy and simply being herself. Empowered, sexy women don’t need to put on a show. They don’t need to fake orgasms or be acrobats in the bedroom. There is no need for pouting and posing. She doesn’t need to bend over and touch her toes, or twerk. She can be anything, do anything, create anything, and yes, she can still be sexy while doing it.
If we begin to assume that real women enjoy real sex and having real orgasms, can we drop the Sexy Girl image and move on with our lives? What would happen if as a society we declared women are sexy and we understand and fully accept this as a fact of life. We can post a proclamation that Britney, JLo, Beyonce, Lady GaGa and Miley are sexy, sexy, sexy! They no longer need to prove it to us. What then would they create? How then would pop stars get attention? And once they had that attention what would they do with it?
If the Sexy Girl making the duck face on FB suddenly didn’t need to let us know she was sexy, what image would she portray? How would her true empowerment show up? What aspects of her personality would shine now that being sexy isn’t taking up so much space?
I, for one, would love to find out.